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Jul. 21st, 2005 @ 01:34 pm Part 8: Severus.
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Date:July 26th, 2005 03:32 am (UTC)
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Ooo I like Severus obsessed unwillingly with his fragile flower. I'm all eager to watch him struggle. How will he reconcile his desires to himself? Your internal dialog is perfect here. What a slow tease. Stop! No, don't stop.

Two quibbles: 1) "He took a step forward, and Potter--gratifyingly--flinched back." I think "flinching" implies "back," so the second word isn't necessary.
2) "reign himself in." Okay, that isn't even in the story, but wouldn't it be "rein?"